A 500 Pound Champ Steps Down

"Yokozuna" Said Bill, placidly, "Is the name for a grand champion in the Japanese professional sport of Sumo wrestling. Notice I use the word 'a' instead of the word 'the', this is because unlike in most organized fighting sports, there is not always a reigning champion. In fact, there have only been 69 Yokozuna since the sport's inception almost 300 years ago." I nod weakly and wipe the blood from my face and get back up. "So anyway. Few yokozuna come along. It takes a great deal of power to become one. Yokozuna receive respect every where they go, people know them and know what they've done to receive this respect. Don't you think I command this respect? I mean don't you think that I've done enough to stand out and be recognized?"

I seriously hate how he insists on blathering like this whenever we get together. "Yes Mr. Gates"

"One of the most recent and for a short time- loved yokozuna went by a name of Akebono, maybe you've heard of him? No? Well Akebono was one of a kind. He came from the US and wound up becoming a yokozuna, a rank which he held for a few years before retiring. After retirement, he just made a fool of himself. He tried to open a restaurant, then tried MMA. He got his ass kicked, 1 and 11. Terrible." I danced around a bit more and stuck out my arms. "So you see, this is why I have to do this."

So I hand him the extra-happy-funtime-super-value menu and the 500 lb. champ ducks out of the ring, smiling politely at the camera the entire way. I fall right on my back and sigh "Damnit, I'll never be able to contend with anything like that. Ever again." I really can't tell where he went from there, but I'll tell you he never got in the ring again.