shudderbug

from day one i am forced to stand behind the lens and take pictures of you and everything you can do with all of them, this is the purpose i have served up until this point and i cannot stand it. this is just plain obnoxious WHY would i want to do this, what does it provide for me? pose in front and ignore when i say your name enjoy yourselves and annoy the rest. i don't even know the last thing someone said to me with an inch of compassion.

crutch

i am a crutch to you
a soggy bloody mass of saturated splinters
built to support
built to abuse
only include the crutch in it's singular design
do not bring it into any other part of your life
lest it serve a blemish against you
also let no one know of this necessity, that is also unseemly
everyone has them and no one sees them
some day we will fucking kill you and enjoy eachother

Diode

Diode television old and green
laying at the dump with a washed out screen
pick me up though you put me here
should i stay or should i go, make the choice dear
put me on a boat it makes sense it's cheap
hazardous i know but the Chinese could never tell
or put me in the pawn shop to sell
traded for the gun i love the idea
stop nevermind and leve me here



haha wtf.

La Le Lu Lo Le Lo

this is the time to watch those planes
three headlight in the front like you've never seen before
sound a few seconds trailing like it shouldn't be
this time listen to me
they've been coming back since i was three
brandon sit up and look
no tail, all wing
we are witness to a secret
they are doing something and have neglected to tell us
what is your responsibility?
do not neglect any longer
try your hardest even with a slingshot you have to do what we have to do

Ma Spine

So it looks like i need to replace this spine of mine
Out of space and out of time
I'll turn your shit on a dime
Ask me how i feel see if you can deal
I've tried to make young girls squeal
but wind up making cougars moan
in agony and despair can't give no body what some body wants
but to give your mind what your spirit craves
let yourself see that but to change the drive would be to degrade my purpose
decade my porpoise
method and menthol decrease with time
skiing injuries linger for years to come and the least of it comes now
so replace it now doctor please
i'd love to take the trip on seven seas
oh Ma Spine, oh Ma Love, o Ma Blavatsky up above
bake those cookies and send your care to your Sun at the circus fair
degrade degrade debaser keep going Johnny says stay free so fuck Sid and get me on a plane before i go insane

assorted wisdom from sophomore yeah HS.

if i don't want to write, i'll leave excerpts from journals etc. from HS

- confidence, perception of environment are more valuable in any situation than actual talent

-exceptions abound

-structure of 10th grade testing is like that of a house frame made of poop.Shitty and ridiculous

-Paul in 1st Corinthians: Where there is a physical body, there is a spiritual body.

-how to forge documents: typewriter and photocopy. dates and real people

-oftentimes, the only thing that can stop an argument between my sister & mother is a tv show they both like

- ... i am certain that every time you turn away opportunity you welcome regret

that's most of it. i'll start pulling stuff out of my 11th grade journal which was all written in catcher in the rye. 12th grade notebook is mostly story ideas i think. freshman college is back in the 10th grade book. hmmmm

Aune's Home

i can't say why but for the first time since we moved in, it smells like my great-grandmother's house in here and it couldn't come at a better time.

to Him / limerick

on a warm sunny day i walk and work in Your glory loving every moment i understand is Yours.
all glory and honor for sure for where would i be on a day like today if not in Your light?
perhaps i would enjoy it more than likely despise
but who could enjoy a day like today when they knew it would all stop right at the end
after enjoyment nothing is worth enjoying
that is the truth that so many live in
but with You we know otherwise!
with You i can enjoy every moment be it in strife or in beauty
thank you! thank you! thank you!

==============================
whistle while you work/even if it's for a jerk

not my own

sooo i wrote about Promethean. Mary Shelley called frankenstein's monster "the modern prometheus". i have a thing for frankenstein and really just about anything with the word "frankenstein" in it.

this is awesome, stolen from white wolf publishing's RPG book: Promethean- the Created. Explains the essentials to creating a promethean character, not sure what more to say about it so here it is. i obviously don't relate entirely to this, don't get confused

I know that look of disgust in your eyes.

You can't hide it from me.

I've seen all its expressions in many faces like your own.
I am intimately familiar with rejection.
Yes, these scars and stitched wounds are horrifying to behold.
Were I truly alive, they'd be enough to kill me.

But I am not alive.

Not yet.

Not in the way you know it.
A fire burns within me and animates this dead flesh,
these legs that have wandered the far regions of the Earth,
these hands that have killed men.

And I walk with a purpose.

You will not stand in my way.

These hands have killed men.

A Storytelling Game of Stolen Lives

Prometheans are soulless corpses animated by a mysterious, alchemical force — the Divine Fire stolen from the gods. Their hideousness forces humans, animals, and even nature itself to reject them on an instinctual level. They wander the dark places of the world, seeking what their creators denied them: humanity.

Promethean

stitched together you do as Viktor says.
with a bolt of lightning i awake
my Divine Fire becomes incarnate with 1.21 jigawatts of raw, unadulterated kickass
so let's go back to the future and see what we can be
but the bolts in my neck are a constant reminder
a drive and a purpose and an ultimatum
the gift is the curse, that is to outlive your purpose and that of those that surround you
that and the clammy skin
to bring destruction by proximity, and only in the passive-agressive
droning across the country join the circus
at least you become useful to those you despise you
all the while you can enjoy the colors and sounds
gabba gabba hey what a lie
just you wait for the pitchforks.

on the highway

driving to clear my head oncoming autos' projections appear to be moose legs shuffling over from their lane to mine. oh how i believe! oh how i wish they could be! great cow of the forest, deliver me from the mundane happenings of any late night! they say ignorance is bliss but everything exists on a sliding scale. how long would you sleep with a liar before you pull out the magnifying glass? and how longer still until you take off those deep red shades of yours. once you've been made a cuckold of, who do you tell and how much? do you let your pride turn you into the thing you hate? how could you not? reluctantly so, i dearly want to saddle up the moose and drive away from fidas, careening down the interstate and cliff until legs and lips alike break. pick yourself up and enter the machine after, rinse, wash, repeat

the ultimate nike commercial

apathy and you force yourself to do and to feel and to understand. they set the rules you just sit down and push. for option A turn to page 9 for option B shut the fuck up. be all you can bee just sting the shit out of everything Patrick wants you to build a little house and get ready for what John saw just do it kid

spread those lips

don't ever tell me you felt the way i did
or knew the things i was privy to
don't be so tempermental
a palm tree in katrina and sometimes all you need is something to lean on
so when the waters rise
come to me bring me all your issues
tell me all about the death of jolene
i'll listen because that's what i do
come to me i will hold you loosely like you may have forgot
you can part your lips loosely like I have forgot
open them ever so slowly and gingerly
i will shove dirt in your throat
then make my own decisions

victory in another's loss

Jolene lies dead at wounded knee and i've already crossed the rockies
I celebrate but nothing else, the old options are not there, not that it matters to me
Oh Lewis, the time we spent together was golden, but it was all just a job
and as every surf flick has ever told us, nobody needs a job once they reach the pacific
i know we'll meet again, once i cross back over
i'm positive that we'll be together once more, you'll drown me in a swamp in louisiana
desert me in the arizona sun
and leave me out to the cold from our old sweet home
you know it and you're sick.

dreams as of late.

lately i have been dreaming with great frequency and vividness. this is what i can remember of the past few. many of my nights have been restless and quite disconcerning, though i don't remember most of those, excluding the third one i will share.

last night i dreamed that for some reason, a nearby benevolent old coupe left their mansion to myself and misha. some with the amount of money we were saving, we could afford to keep most of the staff on, and we spent much of our time playing with the children of the household. the gameroom was very nice, the most neglected piece was an old EM pinball table, which i took upon myself to fix up. most of the kids hated it or at least ignored it for the fuhsball table. the bedroom was very plain and i was very pleased by that. as far as i can remember, we spent our whole time running around the house and having fun with people and also being very kind. the dream was fairly lucid and probably the most enjoyable dream i've

the other was quite different and unfortunately i have forgotten most of it. the main premise of the dream was that there were these two separate factions at bible camp. one faction, who seemed to be the "protagonists" if you will, were amazing visions and by far my most favorite part of the dream, so i will try to recount them in the greatest detail possible. they were large, shirtless, beings, in size and muscle/build. they were yellow and blue, maybe with green hair which was medusa-like. they may have wore no clothes or a pair of shorts, each and every one of them sat with their heels together in front of them, holding their ankles, their legs were slightly raised. from this pose, they all maintained a constant rocking motion, no matter where they were, it never broke. they rolled wherever they went. the second faction "the antagonists", though not necessarily "evil", they were misunderstood and my goal (i think) was to remedy this. i started at the "rocker" cabin, and took it upon myself to dash across the familiar landscape to the antagonist camp. i had to be naked while i did this, probably because it was the rocker's tradition. but the issue is this was taking place in a children's bible camp, outside i had to try and cover myself, though in each cabin there definitely were children who interacted with the factions in peace. so as i ran across camp, i ran, ducked and rolled in a very cinematic fashion. (the whole dream was quite cinematic) The antagonists wore black or purple long "witch" robes and had pale purple hair. i have no recollection of what my interactions with them were, but i do believe that i would be required to return to the rocker cabin, at least temporarily. much to my chagrin. i do however remember the dream ending with a witch person wielding a kitchen knife popping in front of "my camera" and screaming. i woke up and in waking moments was incredibly pleased with this as an ending.

nevermind about the last one. it's quite commited to memory so i'll save that for another time. it was really part of a different saga, heavily involving misha, i'll also explain the phenomenon of misha.

i was planning on writing a somewhat personal blog but my space bar is freaking me out.



this is all