Bullfights on Acid and Skinny-Skiing. Clouds

prostitutes

2010-12-15T21:14:00.000-08:00

the first few times you smoke cigarettes

you have to do it on your own

so nobody hears you cough

thanks Dan

2010-12-14T01:25:00.001-08:00

oh i can't hear the blues and refuse to think of you

i can't hear a child cry and not ponder

not pore over invisible notes i scrawled to you a million times

i can't hear a sad song and keep myself from opening a personal history book

one with a million and one misspelled entries, jumbled all out of time

somewhere out of time a slide guitar keeps on

keeps on telling me what should have could have

monument

2010-11-14T23:52:00.001-08:00

on the day of your birth:

these are the tales that your neighbors told

of your folks in the days of old. and all the ruin that they brought

oh a plague on that small town

how the news got around. quite a sight to see

all those dirty lips said all those silly things

your sister can never live it down

you mother cannot sew another stitch

they'd tramp around bar to bar, tongues out and dry, aching for a drop

turned away each time they were

soles of their shoes just had to wear through

all because those rotten tales

and all because of you

87.5%

2010-11-11T21:00:00.000-08:00

she was straight out the fire

he'd been testing his footing for days

"i think this is what they call an ice berg" said the boy

"and it's just about to tip" she hissed and pushed off in that rowboat

Intro

2010-10-28T17:45:00.001-07:00

The most terrifying thing possible is to be confronted with absolute truth, an image or a thought in broad daylight, indelible, it cannot be described as a result of its pure wrongness. To see something that cannot be reasoned or described away to oneself or any witnessing the revelation. Once one’s eyes are open this wide, it takes many years of being lied to in order to attain normalcy once again, then we must ask ourselves if this is the life we want to live. Such is the way of honest, unnatural madness.

tabularch

2010-10-22T17:02:00.000-07:00

you don't understand the sort of recreation i need

put me down in a big gray field with a little brush in hand

send your dog my way, i'll teach her how to be- free of charge of course

send her back and she'll sit good but oh it makes you wonder

i'll be that other half

i'll crawl in your ear and pick at your ideas

pull, extract, degrade, confound

and this will be my song each day

until i choose to lay down or He takes me by the hand

vivitar

2010-10-13T10:15:00.000-07:00

Browsing one day in the gallery and I come upon. Eyes turn green with jealousy, the untouched canvas is white and fresh but oh how it has been covered since we last spoke. Since we last walked together that canvas is filling, my smiling face slowly crowded out by multiple unknown assailants of nobody in particular's creation. what do to with such a large building yet standing in front of a single frame that represents a single dead season.

warm at night

2010-10-05T20:49:00.000-07:00

barbed wire is my greatest asset and a big mean invisible alligator is my only friend

said the wanderer hunched over somewhere in the back middle left corner of the cantina

soft patches grew on his face left in in difference in a desperate attempt to formulate some sort of badge

his trail was not as dusty as it could have been, he only saw the ages and ages of dirt strewn out in front of him

give me water i am parched from the desert but he speaks little more though he has so much to think about

the man only discusses with the pure, pure sheets of looseleaf

he defiles them almost everyday with his nasty black pen black and smeared from his blackened hands, sooted by the fire

he has written so much on the fire, stolen though it be. he builds a totem to it every night and lets it die.

I BUILD THE FIRE he screams, moans it next. he claps his hands together again and again and again to -show- the people to show them what he is capable of

the soot in the air would choke them if they were even breathing.

the sleepy fools in the bar fail to wake up, fail to take notice, they're covered in just as much dust as everything out

he pats the nearest sleeper on the back, those hands don't even bother to let that man know he'd been there

that majestic wanderer wouldn't give him the pleasure, they wouldn't even know how to take it but if you want to see him you will see the tall boy out at nights he will be crouching near a fire, afraid to lay his spine to the ground but not afraid to let that fire die if only for a day

stuck

2010-10-02T21:33:00.000-07:00

this is how you know you're too deep. you're covered in glue and can't let go but you're stuck to a chair so you can't get off your ass and start that long long walk

for Charles Michael Kittridge Thompson

2010-09-17T17:10:00.000-07:00

don't mind me, i'm just a bore and love to watch and like to create

don't mind me while i grip my knee

i want to see you be all you can be and do it with me

i can pick a cold night out of any other and turn it into hell, and nobody could ever tell

i'll search my scraches for words to yell

and say them, say them over and over to your blank and searching face

only ever in hushed tones, because everyone talks too much about everything

where does that leave a man who is constantly thinking and never shaking

Constantine Constant

2010-09-09T23:42:00.000-07:00

Good old Constantine Constance never said a word, he just went on and on with your shitty plan. Constantine works so well for others, wore down his poor knees a few years back and his ankles are about to go. He got planted in the middle of the map, Constantine's been stuck lookin for a ride a long time. Sure, the guy walks, but he walks in circles. I tried to give C.C. a tip, tried to lend him a hand, told him to dumb it down a bit and let things be, two years later he showed back up, hand out, a lot worse for wear. C.C. pleads constantly, I don't know what to say anymore, he seems to keep losing.Man's got to get off the platform at one time, one or two cautious steps won't do it.

They say a journey of a thousand miles begins with a step, Constantine's gonna walk into the sun and burn that bridge when he come to it

way before ench.

2010-09-04T00:07:00.000-07:00

There was a time where i'd stand in a dingy basement, all in order to yell and push someone.

I'd sit at home and think about it, I'd lay down and scheme.

Somehow I got away from that, somewhere in there I fell on some big boat.

I got transported over here, complacent in transfer so there's no-one to blame.

But come one, where's the next fight? Who knows.

When was the last time I yelled at my parents or grabbed a hand, the sellout argument is back and Patrick is definitely on the losing side.

I'll buy up a big stinky house with all that fake money Patty handed over

I'll throw your shit all over the floor and make you pick it up

Draw til my wrist aches like yours, scream and howl

Soak the leaves, wring it out and do it all again, scratch up my throat with another shot

all for the sake of argument

travellin' so long that my feets is soakin' wet

2010-09-03T23:25:00.000-07:00

don't let the cancer defy you and don't let the handsome defy you

on a big, wide planet, you shine

packs of dogs roam wild and with an effervescent smile from you, all their jaws snap shut

those dirty, drooling mouths have scraped on doors for who knows how long

i always considered bringing in a dog-catcher til i met you

days at the factory and your hands are still so bright, they still work so good

a long day makes your hands so great for me

the long white table has long been abandoned and that awful pit we dug so long ago has been filled to the brim, Paula Shulz may have it if she please

the pasture not so far beyond would be ideal for an afternoon picnic

but that shore lay a distant away and at our pace, who knows

but the distance is always the right way away

2010-09-01T21:04:00.000-07:00

you're a real pill, and a hard one to swallow

i don't have the guts to take you, you'd get stuck down there with a bunch of words that even the deafest of trees don't care to hear.

decades later and we still don't know

whether that garden'll grow

i'm real, real thirsty to tell the truth

all this talk makes my honest bone ache so get off my back already

i'll to what it takes when i need to take it

though i'm barely out of bed, let me rest a second

ask me in the morning and then i'll tell you why

when you come around, i'll let you know the plan. and don't worry, the playbook is bursting at the seams

tellurian

2010-09-01T20:57:00.000-07:00

"I am but a man" He shrugged and let the sand run through his fingers. A long hard day at life made him reconsider his next action. The boy grabbed her hand and he thought he saw her crooked grin out the side of his eye. "Everyone grins crooked these days" he thought to himself. To be honest, Lydia's thoughts were completely incomprehensible but the man built a fire a few days ago and it really doesn't stop.

"Take me to Glasgow, I'm ready to smile for the camera" she blushed

so they dragged their feet for a while, everyone could see their tracks

Cartoid

2010-08-30T23:21:00.000-07:00

Central to the valley runs the gigantic tributary and the tributary does its job. A pulse echoes off the walls and citizens hear it for the years. Swimming and kayaking are the most popular of events thought some have been known to get carried away. You wouldn't believe how much people pay for a visit to Cartoid Valley, I've bought so many tickets to take the train out, come to think of it, I don't really know what ever happened to that plan.

Lady Bluestocking

2010-08-13T21:43:00.000-07:00

Lady Bluestocking gave her life for tourism

Oh poor lady, she sat there all day long to entertain. The boys-of-the-village would come and Lady would shoo them away with a handkerchief or send her dogs.

Society men would call and laugh, put her in a place she did not fit. Either that or they were drawn away to her more attractive and appeasing guests with X chromosomes.

Lady Bluestocking was surrounded by thousands of books by men she could never meet and hundreds who would never meet her.

But it was enough, it was enough to fill her with a fire that inspired the great Lady to sit in that room day in and day out, taking tea and two meals before retiring to a room that nobody visited.

She died in the reading room, in the presence of some Company, fairly indistinguishable from any others she entertained.

They say she gripped a Plato in her hand and nobody could get it loose, they had to cut holes in her dress so they could get it past that damned tome and get her looking presentable. Up in that little oaken box, filled with red velvet and pale skin, which was hardly more pale or cold than it had ever been historically.

grip

2010-08-13T21:38:00.000-07:00

shaking hands with Captain Carter and a light comes on

i'll drag all my LP's out to the front yard and grind them into the walk with my heel

tear up all the tapes and tell my mother to never show your picture again

i'll visit every spot we ever shared and form new associations

all to spite you or all to improve? where does the difference lie?

i'm gonna grip your arm

and tell you to get one of your own

if you could feel my head right now

if you could see the soles of my shoes

if you could smell your breath you'd never kiss me again

so messed up

2010-08-11T21:55:00.000-07:00

i've been sitting up straight all day

so baby let's get bent

i wanna hunch and slump with you

up and down the halls

i hear the neighbors banging on the wall

have them turn up the disco because the doctor's out

and i've gotta jive just one more time

my joints are gonna pop and crack til the early morning dawns

then i'll look around for a heating pad or something

precipice

2010-08-10T23:11:00.000-07:00

standing out on the harrowing precipice holding something sweet in his hand

he screams and yells, damning your fucking name demanding a confrontation

staring deep down, searching for the rumored fear

determined to stare down the crazy hellish behemoth he faced in years gone by

a long way away he hears the fair and cant figure which was the last experience

screams himself sore looks back sits down checks the watch and all he wants is something to lean up against

island day

2010-08-07T19:45:00.000-07:00

to-day is island day, the day when we honor those stalwart men

my friends and ladies pour into the street to sing the praise, tossing confetti as they scream

the parade goes on for miles, coagulating traffic on each and every block

try as they might, the celebrators never reach a shore, let alone connect any two

and as the cameras flash and people scream the islands sit

they sit and think, or draw, or cry or eat whatever it is they do

maybe someday you'll build a boat

do they know and do they care? why would you even ask?

archaelogy

2010-08-06T19:57:00.000-07:00

"Nights feel so empty when you're sleeping with a ghost", she whispered, waking the man from his sleep as she closed the book. He awoke with a grunt and was unconscious again without any issue. She stood up to look out on to the street. Here in the late evening, cars passed by at high speeds through the driving snow, on their way to countless possible endings. Her hands traced down the outside of the storm window he installed last season before she flicked on the space heater and lay down.

2010-07-29T20:47:00.000-07:00

whistling some time in the afternoon, already having forgotten my last spoken word, I look back and smirk at the city, this time it's honest, I know nobody saw That. For a moment I am tempted to lay by a brook or climb a tree, something i would fantasize about in the middle of a hot work day or a long lecture. Instead some ancient song pushes me along, enjoying simply watching my feet.

sun has fallen and pack has been laid, I scurry about camp setting up one night in a line of millions. suddenly, millions of birds burst out of the lake chasing me with heavy soaked wings. soaking feet bring me back to the paved streets. respite, if only for a short weekend

barely acoustic

2010-07-29T20:40:00.000-07:00

in my ear:

take on that timber that there are so many famous for

let loose the pitch that changes the chemicals.in.peoples.bodies.

i want to hear all the words i've been reading since a child

the ideas and phrases held dear by millions

a great uniter, a mover and a shaker

oh Ida, Ida, Ida, give me one last song and i will beg no more

runseek

2010-07-27T19:36:00.000-07:00

a kid making a snow-Angel in North Texas, it will never be the real thing

effort to validate, move on from a place visit the fable

you take the hand and feel their soul corrode, plod on for some reason

it is a reason unknown to man but only to beast, and even they are unsure

a black nugget in a grimy chest somewhere over the horizon

growing further and further with each step you take on the treadmill of effort

if only you would let go!

Whiskey

2010-07-24T23:14:00.000-07:00

Whiskey is her name and she's a girl i wouldn't expect you to know. It's a name that you have to say through your teeth, even if you're moaning it. Your parents sneak away and she comes to get you. Drags those lessons out of you through your skin and sleep, coercing you into an education, coaxing you into her warned ways. She comes from a broken family- or town, one of those things, that's what Mother said. Father has pictures of her but would beat you silly if he ever knew.

She writes on the temple walls once a year and i haven't read in many, let's hope i can soon.

HOLDING IT HIGH SINCE 1901

2010-07-24T23:10:00.000-07:00

She holds he head up high and waits

She's been kicking ass this whole time and it's time to swallow some pride

It's 1909 and that steamroller got to stop-

"Pennsylvania only has so much coal" her mother reminder her

In 1920 she pulls her hair and yells, he feels so long overdue

Before long he'll be here, what happens then? only mathematics can tell

on hollis hill

2010-07-21T23:33:00.000-07:00

that lightning is striking somewhere else and it's striking hard. that is how he felt about his life

ah damnit

2010-07-11T21:07:00.000-07:00

my best friend could be a supermodel and i'm probably in love with her and her boyfriend is some sort of weird log. jeez is this a sitcom or what

you're quoting that twig boy?

2010-07-09T22:54:00.000-07:00

i'm trying to eat healthier but i'll still drink beer, my parents won't let me drink it, i'm not giving that up

untitled project. scene #1

2010-06-10T19:41:00.000-07:00

He sat there fiddling with it. His expression changed to one of great concentration as held the button down until his thumb started to burn, he had to let go.

Trying again, he sucked hard at the stub of the cigar, moving the flame around the chunk of ash sitting at the end of it. His father had told him the extra ash serves to cool the smoke entering your mouth, making the experience more pleasant, it was just a matter-of-fact observation, not an intentional lesson on cigar smoking. The ash seemed to be interfering but Isaiah just figured he was doing it wrong, he stopped for a moment to look around.

As could be expected, there was no one in the parking lot. He thought to himself if there was, he would look at his cellphone or watch, just to let people know he was waiting for someone. This wasn't entirely true however, he was hardly waiting, he could care less (he supposed) if she showed up, he could probably enjoy himself just as much sitting here. He went to dig out some of the ash, sick of it impeding his progress. This turned out to be a bad idea, he drew his hand back and almost dropped the cigar stub as he burned his finger. Dumbass, he thought.

Isaiah looked up again and she was pulling in, almost bottoming out on the dips and bumps marking the far end of the parking lot. He stood and raised his hand to signal his whereabouts. Worried about looking too enthusiastic, he yanked his hand back down, faster than when he burned himself. The car came to a stop in the middle of the parking lot at a haphazard angle. She got out, at first hidden behind her mother's Saab, she strolled towards the field with her head down, as if it were much colder than it actually was. Isiah thought to himself, "I wonder what she was listening to in there."

i come from

2010-03-04T08:47:00.000-08:00

i come from the corporate decadence of the 1990s
raised by the hand of a man with enough money to have confidence in all of his methods
i come from a new house in the old woods
a house ruled by my ever expanding brain, increasing in value with my own potential
i come from a fear of the vapor that every man and situation produces
i am content to worry about it on my own
i come from solitude and living to please you.
i come from a schoolbook in the peripherals and peripherals only
spending most of my time staring straight ahead and yelling into the future, under my breath
i come from a love of the outdoors and a need to tell people to stop spending money
i am a statue with moving oculars!

six word story number four (finale)

2010-03-04T08:45:00.000-08:00

I used to define somebody young

six word story number three

2010-03-03T04:48:00.000-08:00

time to go cold! he yelled

six word story number two

2010-03-01T13:51:00.001-08:00

impress your elders- trade emotions for

six word story number one

2010-02-28T16:49:00.001-08:00

Ghosts never die, until they're killed.

12 hours

2009-11-17T03:32:00.000-08:00

in twelve hours it will be the same time as it is now.
you have twelve hours to change your position on life.
i can turn anyithing about.
i have the ability to make it good.

2009-11-06T18:00:00.001-08:00

i want to scream so fucking loud

podium

2009-11-05T22:13:00.000-08:00

i am tired of having to respect opinions

i want to argue with you

punch me in the face if you disagree

stand up for yourself and let me prove i am right

i want to feel the hatred or love when we discuss something that has

impact something that has an outcome

i no longer wish to ponder ideas and postulate

let's see where we stand, and go from there. and if you believe the government should come down on MY head i refuse!

tom and crystal and leila

2009-11-04T20:54:00.000-08:00

all of you people

STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO

only One will guide

haiku for 09/30/09

2009-10-31T13:41:00.000-07:00

I don't know whether i want

to fuck or fight you tonight

I will smile for me

well

2009-10-26T22:39:00.000-07:00

armadillos are the raccoons of the south they hold no enchantment

and everything is tired for her, the belle

beaten in that mexicali sunshine

off in the distance Llewelyn sits beneath the moving canvas

those clouds are her only hope and only as consistent as New Hampshire weather

so for now she'll let down her hair and grip the fan

who knows when she'll pin it back up in that tight little bun and take his hand

the ultimate db

2009-10-21T21:37:00.000-07:00

T-bird i have always wanted to, presently and more than likely forevermore wish to read every beautiful, jagged, oozy, wonderful and exotic piece of prose that streams from your wisened fingers.

but alas, i am here the ultimate deadbeat. incapable of opening up for a moment to interpret,

i don't read and i don't bother to try and put myself in your lovely shoes

instead i dust off the keyboard and ask the chicken to peck away. it's like hypnotizing chickens and that's my own self serving hipster reference that i use to break down anyone i see fit.

so sorry, there's nothing else to say i am the ultimate deadbeat but i adore you so much. please know that my intentions are always good

last year this year

2009-10-20T13:07:00.001-07:00

last year i learned how to love and saw a beautiful future

this year you emasculated me and spoiled me for anyone else. under the sun i am no longer a man. and under the sun is where i want to, and persist to be.

the junkie mariner

2009-10-20T10:39:00.000-07:00

the albatross around his neck and the monkey on his back pull him in separate directions

it's tearing you apart

he wishes he could tear you apart. in any way you could interpret that

no matter what he doesn't lead himself

torn between addiction and poor decisions both haunt him for a lifetime

cursed for eternity and all he hopes is that he can shake those horrid beasts off and slit their throats, then and only then can that man decide what he wants to do. only then could he know

so baby lift your neck because you're going first

night owl

2009-10-17T17:53:00.000-07:00

i want to do it with our costumes on

i wanna be everything in your life that's wrong

and every day you'll sing this song: to me

playing cribbage in a stream of consciousness/19

2009-10-15T21:41:00.000-07:00

another year and i'm still slumming around

doing what i can to be what i can i hope

and 19 is an impossible hand in cribbage

a zero and quite frankly a lie

19 is the funniest joke there is when it comes to cribbage

it's pretty great you think that abstaining from meat makes you a vegetarian

like you care about them at all

but you really don't realize how much you take from them every day

when the drought comes you will know

and that atlas etched into rawhide will be missed sorely by you

you'll realize how necessary it was

but look i have his nobs so peg me up one, 365 days and it'll be 20

and that's a pretty decent hand

untitled

2009-10-08T14:56:00.000-07:00

he hates to be away from you

he cannot stand to think of all the beasts that could be knocking at your door

he doesn't like thinking of you entertaining yourself

he wants to be there for it all

leagues

2009-10-08T05:36:00.000-07:00

you are major justice 20,000 under the sea of extraordinary gentlemen

and i'm way out of it i want to build a submersible

i want to be on your level

that way this will make as much sense to you as it does to me

revolucion

2009-10-06T18:10:00.000-07:00

A guerrilla hides in the bushes and practices all day long. He observes the situations outside the jungle and tries to tip things in his favor. He uses special weapons and tactics to topple everything that loathsome and beautiful system has created to build it back in his own image. The guerrilla does not always work towards the right thing nor for the common man, the cause is never the same- the only uniting factor is that he knows WHAT IS RIGHT FOR HIM. He knows how things ought to be and damnit he will work til death to see that. let the revolution begin.

necessary evil

2009-10-05T15:04:00.000-07:00

i may make you angry

but without me you'd go mad

william

2009-09-27T22:14:00.000-07:00

it's been a long time since i've had to deal with someone like you

whereas before i would have reveled in your lofty language and attempt to connect the universe

now i just lay back and think "how long until you stop telling me things i should believe or understand in your terms, so i can talk about my wallet and spine?"

you really feel that in describing the universal rules to me you are helping me but i only listen when you say what helps you, the second you presume you can exert influence on me in a positive fashion, i am no longer receptive

i know what is right for you, He is right for you! He is right for all, and to most this is a despicable line, no one wants to read what i have to say. what i must say, the thing i neglect in every conversation. when you tell me all roads lead to Rome i should tell you that all roads were created by Him and nothing matters past that. so am i a hypocrite? maybe so, but i am

forgiven!

how did i let it come to this

2009-09-18T08:12:00.000-07:00

how did i let it come to this, why am i here, slithering in the dirt as the serpent, coming to you and begging for scraps of your love. why am i the shitty dog that follows you around and nips at your heels. but i am physically ill when you remove yourself from me, when you remove me from your thoughts i cannot roll out of bed and everything tastes like shit. i will moan in the dirt for the rest of my days and sleep in the cold cold pines until you warm me once more.

me and captain z

2009-09-16T12:24:00.000-07:00

me and captain z set out for our two hour tour and i'm only subsiding on a sparse diet of rc cola and fish oil, it will take me some ways from you and the trouble we've caused, i have no reason to suspect that you are motivated by anything but logic, as am i. but how could i see it any other way? i cannot peer into any heart, maybe even my own, this is a skill i hope to acquire some day. and on that day i will be able to tell you all the right things. but for now i'm going to hang out on the shitty boat i rode in on and either way i love it here, but with you i love it everywhere

2009-09-15T17:11:00.001-07:00

call me Sophocles because there has never been a more paralyzing tragedy

old green man

2009-09-12T12:50:00.000-07:00

call me jealousy because when i see you go anywhere else i cringe. i must distract myself with young girls and gin, this is not a time to celebrate: this is a time to pound my fist and run my hands through my hair, searching for anything that could stress me out more than your absence. the only possible thing is to clutter my mind enough to push you out, if only for an hour or two. lose my head to gain it. lying to myself to keep from doing something important. i allow myself to be distracted so i don't make our lives better far too soon.

Don't Do It

2009-09-07T16:29:00.000-07:00

don't do this
don't fucking cuckold me again, again and continually
i hate the men you choose because they are not me
i hate that i haven't done anything yet
that i never will that i am the problem
that there is a thing one could do to change
i could change some things and be with you
i want to change those things. lose myself in gaining you
can't you see that i will do it?
i will sacrifice all necessary while they are simply concerned with convenience??
don't you know?
why won't you let me in?
i don't even know what to tell or ask you.

TAKE IT

2009-09-06T21:33:00.001-07:00

spend all day doing as everyone pleases but END YOUR DAY LIKE YOU WANT IT TO

clear it

2009-09-05T21:10:00.000-07:00

now i lay me down to sleep
i pray those dreams not return
if i experience thoughts and visions like last night, i shall never lay my head to a pillow again
instead i will use a rock, and if they still come-
i will bash my head against the rock to remove the spectacle from my brain
nothing i could produce of my hands could come near to the terror produced by my brain that night
i never want to see that again, to believe i'm capable of such
the fear grips me even now, at the possibility of a good night's sleep
a good night's sleep where i am engulfed in the dream.
a macabre fantasy NOT of my own design, but designed to own me
if it comes again i do not know what to do
if it comes again sleep is not an option ever again
if it comes again what does that mean for me please pray hard for me

misha

2009-09-02T20:39:00.000-07:00

i don't know what to do around you. i never have
you're there in my dreams and you're there in my nightmares
some days i wish you'd leave me alone
and others i would not leave your side
but you sway as a leaf in the wind
make up our mind
you make me want to hide, hide away
deep in the woods where i can write and do as i please
everyone has told me that i need you
you can provide a necessary service
i am yet to see it but am partially certain that it exists
tell me soon or i will lose my mind and go away completely
but you would always be tormented by what could have been
because your eyes may be fully open or fully shut
but you put stock in those sorts of things

here we are again

2009-09-01T18:52:00.000-07:00

here we are again
come on baby do your thing
sing your song
maybe i'll just play along
let's not dwell on the results
because you're talking to him again
i don't want to lose you and i can't
but who knows, sincerity is so rare these days
i place my hand on the Book, and that is all i know
and probably all i can trust

psyclone gutmess

2009-08-25T19:55:00.000-07:00

psyclone gutmess is how you make me feel
i don't even want to deal
academics and postulation bring me closer to you
but the ladder can only extend so far
and even though it starts to shake, you tend to lose business
and it's unlikely you'll ever make it there
let me get control of my stomach
then hands and mind i don't need to open my eyes
step off the marry-go-round and find yourself...
well wherever. that's where i am. off it and into your territory
do your worst!

slaughterhouse

2009-08-25T18:34:00.000-07:00

you know where we come from
the house disjointed and quaint
i'd say beautiful but what isn't?
i don't resent it maybe they do
you can find me there on any given day
or sometimes far away
but i always come back
the floorboards are soaked in it
the air makes you gasp
remember what you want
so you can tell your children about it and they will laugh at your childish dreams
it is supported by slinky stilts
the poor and misrepresented foundation
dating back to the beginning of the honest lie
when y'all have left for a while, i'll come back to reclaim
but only after it has a suitable dust coat
some day I will own the slaughter house
and continue its meager traditions!

out of in two

2009-08-25T18:08:00.000-07:00

there is a time and a place and zack
out of sight and out of mind
ouf of space and all through time
you take what's yours
i'll make it mine
so please be kind and move ahead to rewind
you'll find me in the lab
researching is what i do
trying to find a way back to you
typewriter drenched in blood
i drag my name through the mud
don't worry, that's the only one i'll smear
i just want to keep you near
at a distance though
just so you know
i can't make up my mind
you can quickly find
that i'm a simple man

exhausted in the dark

2009-08-20T19:30:00.000-07:00

i have never felt more lonely than i do now
i have never felt more lonely than i do now
the effort to drive home in the dark
the exhaustion of trying to maintain relationships
no point in seeing what makes me tired
by chance i meet and old flower, bright as always
though my eyes squint too much to fully appreciate her
grins fleet to return to the homestead
leaden fingers attempt to convey exhaustion
it is necessary and droll i cannot stand it
i cannot stand
so i recline and hope and pray to dream
the only way to escape myself and the constant contradictions i cast
to think free and clear outside of time
to live possibly outside of life if only for a moment
i will do it again forever more than likely

Steve

2009-08-19T14:13:00.000-07:00

Stevan is dead, let me tell you.
my heart goes out to you and i can't tell how you deal
raised by his hand, product of his blood
what more could you lose Adam?
lesser beings have shattered you
you broke your mind over her
and your body you heart an d part of your soul
what else is there to give?
i know it's back, callused maybe?
how can i help
when i try to consider, i am at a loss
where would i be without my father, and where are you?
all i can say is i love you and will do what i can.
he will be missed and you were lucky to have him

humidity is a lot like clouds, but way more oppressive

2009-08-17T19:19:00.000-07:00

gordon gekko never had it so good
i think as i sit here dying in the heat relaxing with a rootbeer float
mildly enjoying childish parody
getting ready to go to bed around 10:30
any other day this would not be fufilling
but i slave to a purpose, a predominantly self-selected one
everyone around me sees it, my dedication illuminates their empty fucking skulls
those who choose to ignore are only satisfactory in the evening
we can spend our four hours, but tomorrow i have my nine
i'll see you at lunch between the blinks and swallows
out the door to do it again with a smile in my face and a pain in my back
Patrick lurks on the weekends but there is relief!
poring over tomes in the muggy twilight is part of the routine
entertaining enough to keep it up tomorrow
tonight you can fake it if you want, because you know i will for sure

run the wire

2009-08-14T20:24:00.000-07:00

octopon sue is so far away
and i feel like i'll never get to say
all the things i've been feeling
those lofty, indeterminate feelings that lay within
no method exists to bridge the gap
kittyhawk hasn't happened
and steam lacks lustre
and i couldn't afford to run the pony express
so i'll run
run
run
down to the bottom of the ocean that no one talks about
all the way across and bring that telegraph wire to europe
and if you weren't there i'd run run to asia, australia
the moon and back
even when all options are exhausted i'd tell myself
that you're there. somewhere
and that's what keeps me running

the moving canvas

2009-08-07T21:29:00.000-07:00

they remain though not to be seen
not by my eyes
and even as the globes close
the canvas runs through my head
a fifteen minute glimpse of that eternal diorama
everything caught in flash frame
plodding through man's creation
if i get down, look up
or spend hours on my drained back
given the opportunity i take it!
learn what i can from brothers above who see so much
they are nebulous and direct
we rely on, fear and welcome them in sporadic spurts
they are constant and man can do nothing to dissuade them
Al Gore says we can but that's a convenient lie
second in creation and ever since inspiring
dreamers artists lovers and poets
all become one in your muse
maybe we'll meet again tomorrow
maybe i'll love you
maybe i'll hate you

first attempt at a haiku. dedicated to T

2009-08-04T20:21:00.000-07:00

a memory new
ill and well together be
how do you do it

shudderbug

2009-07-30T22:34:00.000-07:00

from day one i am forced to stand behind the lens and take pictures of you and everything you can do with all of them, this is the purpose i have served up until this point and i cannot stand it. this is just plain obnoxious WHY would i want to do this, what does it provide for me? pose in front and ignore when i say your name enjoy yourselves and annoy the rest. i don't even know the last thing someone said to me with an inch of compassion.

crutch

2009-07-30T22:29:00.000-07:00

i am a crutch to you
a soggy bloody mass of saturated splinters
built to support
built to abuse
only include the crutch in it's singular design
do not bring it into any other part of your life
lest it serve a blemish against you
also let no one know of this necessity, that is also unseemly
everyone has them and no one sees them
some day we will fucking kill you and enjoy eachother

Diode

2009-07-29T06:26:00.000-07:00

Diode television old and green
laying at the dump with a washed out screen
pick me up though you put me here
should i stay or should i go, make the choice dear
put me on a boat it makes sense it's cheap
hazardous i know but the Chinese could never tell
or put me in the pawn shop to sell
traded for the gun i love the idea
stop nevermind and leve me here

haha wtf.

La Le Lu Lo Le Lo

2009-07-29T06:22:00.000-07:00

this is the time to watch those planes
three headlight in the front like you've never seen before
sound a few seconds trailing like it shouldn't be
this time listen to me
they've been coming back since i was three
brandon sit up and look
no tail, all wing
we are witness to a secret
they are doing something and have neglected to tell us
what is your responsibility?
do not neglect any longer
try your hardest even with a slingshot you have to do what we have to do

Ma Spine

2009-07-27T22:16:00.000-07:00

So it looks like i need to replace this spine of mine
Out of space and out of time
I'll turn your shit on a dime
Ask me how i feel see if you can deal
I've tried to make young girls squeal
but wind up making cougars moan
in agony and despair can't give no body what some body wants
but to give your mind what your spirit craves
let yourself see that but to change the drive would be to degrade my purpose
decade my porpoise
method and menthol decrease with time
skiing injuries linger for years to come and the least of it comes now
so replace it now doctor please
i'd love to take the trip on seven seas
oh Ma Spine, oh Ma Love, o Ma Blavatsky up above
bake those cookies and send your care to your Sun at the circus fair
degrade degrade debaser keep going Johnny says stay free so fuck Sid and get me on a plane before i go insane

assorted wisdom from sophomore yeah HS.

2009-07-26T08:31:00.000-07:00

if i don't want to write, i'll leave excerpts from journals etc. from HS

- confidence, perception of environment are more valuable in any situation than actual talent

-exceptions abound

-structure of 10th grade testing is like that of a house frame made of poop.Shitty and ridiculous

-Paul in 1st Corinthians: Where there is a physical body, there is a spiritual body.

-how to forge documents: typewriter and photocopy. dates and real people

-oftentimes, the only thing that can stop an argument between my sister & mother is a tv show they both like

- ... i am certain that every time you turn away opportunity you welcome regret

that's most of it. i'll start pulling stuff out of my 11th grade journal which was all written in catcher in the rye. 12th grade notebook is mostly story ideas i think. freshman college is back in the 10th grade book. hmmmm

Aune's Home

2009-07-18T22:54:00.000-07:00

i can't say why but for the first time since we moved in, it smells like my great-grandmother's house in here and it couldn't come at a better time.

to Him / limerick

2009-07-17T09:24:00.000-07:00

on a warm sunny day i walk and work in Your glory loving every moment i understand is Yours.
all glory and honor for sure for where would i be on a day like today if not in Your light?
perhaps i would enjoy it more than likely despise
but who could enjoy a day like today when they knew it would all stop right at the end
after enjoyment nothing is worth enjoying
that is the truth that so many live in
but with You we know otherwise!
with You i can enjoy every moment be it in strife or in beauty
thank you! thank you! thank you!

==============================
whistle while you work/even if it's for a jerk

not my own

2009-07-16T20:54:00.000-07:00

sooo i wrote about Promethean. Mary Shelley called frankenstein's monster "the modern prometheus". i have a thing for frankenstein and really just about anything with the word "frankenstein" in it.

this is awesome, stolen from white wolf publishing's RPG book: Promethean- the Created. Explains the essentials to creating a promethean character, not sure what more to say about it so here it is. i obviously don't relate entirely to this, don't get confused

I know that look of disgust in your eyes.

You can't hide it from me.

I've seen all its expressions in many faces like your own.
I am intimately familiar with rejection.
Yes, these scars and stitched wounds are horrifying to behold.
Were I truly alive, they'd be enough to kill me.

But I am not alive.

Not yet.

Not in the way you know it.
A fire burns within me and animates this dead flesh,
these legs that have wandered the far regions of the Earth,
these hands that have killed men.

And I walk with a purpose.

You will not stand in my way.

These hands have killed men.

A Storytelling Game of Stolen Lives

Prometheans are soulless corpses animated by a mysterious, alchemical force — the Divine Fire stolen from the gods. Their hideousness forces humans, animals, and even nature itself to reject them on an instinctual level. They wander the dark places of the world, seeking what their creators denied them: humanity.

Promethean

2009-07-16T20:33:00.000-07:00

stitched together you do as Viktor says.
with a bolt of lightning i awake
my Divine Fire becomes incarnate with 1.21 jigawatts of raw, unadulterated kickass
so let's go back to the future and see what we can be
but the bolts in my neck are a constant reminder
a drive and a purpose and an ultimatum
the gift is the curse, that is to outlive your purpose and that of those that surround you
that and the clammy skin
to bring destruction by proximity, and only in the passive-agressive
droning across the country join the circus
at least you become useful to those you despise you
all the while you can enjoy the colors and sounds
gabba gabba hey what a lie
just you wait for the pitchforks.

on the highway

2009-07-14T20:40:00.000-07:00

driving to clear my head oncoming autos' projections appear to be moose legs shuffling over from their lane to mine. oh how i believe! oh how i wish they could be! great cow of the forest, deliver me from the mundane happenings of any late night! they say ignorance is bliss but everything exists on a sliding scale. how long would you sleep with a liar before you pull out the magnifying glass? and how longer still until you take off those deep red shades of yours. once you've been made a cuckold of, who do you tell and how much? do you let your pride turn you into the thing you hate? how could you not? reluctantly so, i dearly want to saddle up the moose and drive away from fidas, careening down the interstate and cliff until legs and lips alike break. pick yourself up and enter the machine after, rinse, wash, repeat

the ultimate nike commercial

2009-07-13T20:59:00.000-07:00

apathy and you force yourself to do and to feel and to understand. they set the rules you just sit down and push. for option A turn to page 9 for option B shut the fuck up. be all you can bee just sting the shit out of everything Patrick wants you to build a little house and get ready for what John saw just do it kid

spread those lips

2009-07-12T20:45:00.000-07:00

don't ever tell me you felt the way i did
or knew the things i was privy to
don't be so tempermental
a palm tree in katrina and sometimes all you need is something to lean on
so when the waters rise
come to me bring me all your issues
tell me all about the death of jolene
i'll listen because that's what i do
come to me i will hold you loosely like you may have forgot
you can part your lips loosely like I have forgot
open them ever so slowly and gingerly
i will shove dirt in your throat
then make my own decisions

victory in another's loss

2009-07-04T07:03:00.000-07:00

Jolene lies dead at wounded knee and i've already crossed the rockies
I celebrate but nothing else, the old options are not there, not that it matters to me
Oh Lewis, the time we spent together was golden, but it was all just a job
and as every surf flick has ever told us, nobody needs a job once they reach the pacific
i know we'll meet again, once i cross back over
i'm positive that we'll be together once more, you'll drown me in a swamp in louisiana
desert me in the arizona sun
and leave me out to the cold from our old sweet home
you know it and you're sick.

dreams as of late.

2009-07-02T21:55:00.000-07:00

lately i have been dreaming with great frequency and vividness. this is what i can remember of the past few. many of my nights have been restless and quite disconcerning, though i don't remember most of those, excluding the third one i will share.

last night i dreamed that for some reason, a nearby benevolent old coupe left their mansion to myself and misha. some with the amount of money we were saving, we could afford to keep most of the staff on, and we spent much of our time playing with the children of the household. the gameroom was very nice, the most neglected piece was an old EM pinball table, which i took upon myself to fix up. most of the kids hated it or at least ignored it for the fuhsball table. the bedroom was very plain and i was very pleased by that. as far as i can remember, we spent our whole time running around the house and having fun with people and also being very kind. the dream was fairly lucid and probably the most enjoyable dream i've

the other was quite different and unfortunately i have forgotten most of it. the main premise of the dream was that there were these two separate factions at bible camp. one faction, who seemed to be the "protagonists" if you will, were amazing visions and by far my most favorite part of the dream, so i will try to recount them in the greatest detail possible. they were large, shirtless, beings, in size and muscle/build. they were yellow and blue, maybe with green hair which was medusa-like. they may have wore no clothes or a pair of shorts, each and every one of them sat with their heels together in front of them, holding their ankles, their legs were slightly raised. from this pose, they all maintained a constant rocking motion, no matter where they were, it never broke. they rolled wherever they went. the second faction "the antagonists", though not necessarily "evil", they were misunderstood and my goal (i think) was to remedy this. i started at the "rocker" cabin, and took it upon myself to dash across the familiar landscape to the antagonist camp. i had to be naked while i did this, probably because it was the rocker's tradition. but the issue is this was taking place in a children's bible camp, outside i had to try and cover myself, though in each cabin there definitely were children who interacted with the factions in peace. so as i ran across camp, i ran, ducked and rolled in a very cinematic fashion. (the whole dream was quite cinematic) The antagonists wore black or purple long "witch" robes and had pale purple hair. i have no recollection of what my interactions with them were, but i do believe that i would be required to return to the rocker cabin, at least temporarily. much to my chagrin. i do however remember the dream ending with a witch person wielding a kitchen knife popping in front of "my camera" and screaming. i woke up and in waking moments was incredibly pleased with this as an ending.

nevermind about the last one. it's quite commited to memory so i'll save that for another time. it was really part of a different saga, heavily involving misha, i'll also explain the phenomenon of misha.

2009-07-02T19:26:00.000-07:00

i was planning on writing a somewhat personal blog but my space bar is freaking me out.

this is all

Last Ones. I think.

2009-06-05T22:31:00.000-07:00

Chronologically, this comes first.

I Rely On It:

i rely on it
a porous pillar
just the sort i need
to prevent consistency
for years now its been there
often the most meaningful thing
behind the scenes and in front
change is bad?
change is good?
either way, change is bad when you're antique
there's no way around it
but when you rely on things as such
doesn't it seem the only way?

try invading japan on foot

Next. McArthur:

the process and plan
the ideas the preparation
there were ideas in motion
to take the island, lives would be lost
but it was accepted. almost
maybe he would have tried
casualties are inevetible. but thats war
*cough* war is hell. but hell, you love it
say it happened
say it was taken. no bomb
then turkey
where the hell is that? they drop the bomb on Macarthur
what a switch that would be
what a defeat
what an invalidation
what a mark. a mark on the preparation
a single man works days and nights. suffers ridicule
with one goal in mind

i'm just glad the bomb dropped before any invasion took place

Final. Emasculated.
Refers to a very specific event but it's still cool.

the fact is that no one saw it
and everyone has only read half of their history books
mass of flesh melted only to freeze over again
the issue is the consideration
agonizing over it for days to the point of vomitus
the desire to separate yourself from every one you believe to be involved
even when no one knows
but there is agony in knowledge
and even more so, it resides in understanding priorities
when you make an issue of it, that's a problem
but honestly, i'm done with that

More Myspace Blog

2009-06-05T22:27:00.000-07:00

Two Life/Satisfaction Poems

there is a foreign paradise
many live there already but soon i hope to make the trip
there is a pleasing combination of trees, sand, and moonlight
you can lounge on the beach all day
thats where i want to watch sail boats
there's always a doctor on hand
physician, shrink, teacher and clown all in one
and tobacco fields stretch for hours
after tea you can tromp into the woods
its hard for everyone
dog makes it easy, scotch makes it easier dog is slang for newcastle
don't worry its still honest

i especially like this
keep in mind when you're dealing with scientific method:
outcome is not the goal
but rather analysis of a hypothesis.
or is that too structured?
whatever. traditional.
see you soon!

This one was a hit. I like it too.

Life is immediately business when you buzz your head, you enter the machine.
In the machine is driving, constant motion forward with purpose and intent
Life in the machine is on the road
You may not even realize
That your only true intent is to pick a flower, the machine can produce most anything, save nature.
Books,in great volumes,essentially a thought machine,trapped in double entendre
To be concise
Let me stop
Let me pick it
Dont forget again
And stop making excuses
Remind me once more
That the only way out of the machine is to jump and tumble
Just don't ask anyone to fix your broken shoulder

Old Myspace blogs

2009-06-05T12:33:00.000-07:00

I've come across my old myspace blog and some of them are pretty cool (?). I don't know how i feel, some feel too pretentious, but others are definitely okay. my favorite is the first one I'll post. I don't even care about it's implications, the method is seriously awesome.

I Can Make A Sandwich

there's lettuce on the bread
cheese above the meat
tomato on top of lettuce and you know its gross
what else do you want?
i can fix it for you if you give me an order
i can make a perfect sandwich if you ask
and i love to make sandwiches so much
but when im not, i feel like all the pickles have gone downstairs again
and i can only go get them when you want a sandwich.
order a sandwich please
or a salad, its quick and good for you
and i promise i will make it the best i can
always good for me, sometimes good for you
but honestly, where's that order?

Here's a really old one i wrote about Misha on a camping trip

California Gold-Boomerang

under a bit of influence
and some reverence
i reminisce
to my days of true learning
knoweledge of life, death, and men
filled my notebook
and you my head
a field of smoke and nylon
could keep your last words from me
not evil men with wives
aweful teachers
or an army of catholics with knives
we never danced
and we hardly ever sang
but we fucked through our jeans
and our arms
the most important lesson
was however,
california gold dont last
and as time passed
i was left to my own epics and tapes
which proved far more bland
than the chrome sorbet you spooned me
but the paper's been saturated
and the white black ink pours forth from the corners
and i doubt thats gonna leave
maybe youre a boomerang though,
still probably california gold
but its fun while it lasts
and its all a learning experience

Do what you need to

2009-04-30T19:51:00.000-07:00

You are Shaka Zulu
With your mouth, decapitate her
Fuck her like a beast and throw her to the ground
Give her what you both want
Verbally give her cause to ache
Her ears, lips and arms
Unleash every bit of strength you have earned in your life
Grab her and shake her until she loses the very Earth she stands upon
Until her head reels and ever her most distant of friends ask her what's the matter
and when all is said,
When her being has been disintegrated,
When the whole of her persona has been scattered across the globe,
Gather her in your arms,
Hold her close and tell her how she does this to you every day
And though it may take years, tell her how much you need it

Jefferson vs. Lincoln

2009-02-10T19:15:00.000-08:00

A small break from the formula, but its impromptu. My head is cloudy and not the goodkind either. Like cloudy that breaks motorcyclists legs and stops the Jaffrey fireworks (AT THE SAME TIME! I saw it.)

Z: some day in the past, a beautiful day at the tracks

a race is held in honor of a lady a race of beasts in
attendence were my two subjects. Presidents Jefferson
and Lincoln, if you know anything about my politics, you
know who I fancy. Hell even if you saw my disposition-
you'd get it.

A: Lets get this over with
Z: Right, to whom was this race dedicated President Lincoln?
A: To Catherine the Great
T: The Magnificient
A: The illustrious
T: The adorable
Z: The unexpected.
T: Precisely

Z: You two bet against eachother, tell me about that Tom.
T: Well, I bet on the mule, for lady Catherine assured me she
favored them any day over the stallion.
A: Ignoring any sort of odious assumptions, I bet on the stallion.
Z: Mr. Jefferson, I can only assume you won, the mule did have favor.
T: No, I know not what occurred, but verily the steed beat him soundly.
The most peculiar thing however, was how vociferously she cheered when
the steed took the ribbon.

Z: In summary:
Indeed. Turn off the pressure cooker before you go to bed, or open your
door, they burn down houses quicker than you think. DOn't partake of insider
trading (just look what happened to Martha). And never, ever make high bets
on such a silly game. Stop it. That is of course, unless you are a stallion.
You lucky Fucking bastard.

A 500 Pound Champ Steps Down

2008-07-07T20:15:00.000-07:00

"Yokozuna" Said Bill, placidly, "Is the name for a grand champion in the Japanese professional sport of Sumo wrestling. Notice I use the word 'a' instead of the word 'the', this is because unlike in most organized fighting sports, there is not always a reigning champion. In fact, there have only been 69 Yokozuna since the sport's inception almost 300 years ago." I nod weakly and wipe the blood from my face and get back up. "So anyway. Few yokozuna come along. It takes a great deal of power to become one. Yokozuna receive respect every where they go, people know them and know what they've done to receive this respect. Don't you think I command this respect? I mean don't you think that I've done enough to stand out and be recognized?"

I seriously hate how he insists on blathering like this whenever we get together. "Yes Mr. Gates"

"One of the most recent and for a short time- loved yokozuna went by a name of Akebono, maybe you've heard of him? No? Well Akebono was one of a kind. He came from the US and wound up becoming a yokozuna, a rank which he held for a few years before retiring. After retirement, he just made a fool of himself. He tried to open a restaurant, then tried MMA. He got his ass kicked, 1 and 11. Terrible." I danced around a bit more and stuck out my arms. "So you see, this is why I have to do this."

So I hand him the extra-happy-funtime-super-value menu and the 500 lb. champ ducks out of the ring, smiling politely at the camera the entire way. I fall right on my back and sigh "Damnit, I'll never be able to contend with anything like that. Ever again." I really can't tell where he went from there, but I'll tell you he never got in the ring again.

Brass Hits the Floor / Shoulda Used Rubber

2008-07-05T23:19:00.000-07:00

"Politics is Boring." Grinned the president, pointing the big Smith & Wesson right down my nose. I just grimaced and gripped my teacup a little harder. "Intense George." He interjected, "George was my Father, just call me 'Dubya'."

"What about Junior?"

"That was his son-"

He trailed off and kicked the Playstation to the side then pulled some brass out of his pocket and offered them. I glanced over at our forgotten game on the screen. Politely, I nodded but refused all the same. "I could paint this room cherry in a second like this. I mean this is fun, ya dig? Exhilarating, that's the word for it." I glanced down at my Encyclopedia for a moment and my eyes widened- no, opened. "George- RUBBER!" His eyes mimicked mine for a moment, but all too late. "Shit!" The gun went off, mine and a thousand others' plastered those beige walls. Then the bullet went right through his foot, letting out the most disdainful of sighs. Brass his the floor. "Shoulda used rubber..." earnestly. The next comment was directed towards me in the most g00d-natured of fashions. "And you my friend, should have used protection."

And with all that done, jr. hobbled right out the door

The Greatest Ride Uganda Never Had

2008-07-05T22:58:00.000-07:00

"Did you know," began Amin, "that in certain parts of Africa, certain tribes would tie the ears of a condemned man to a pair of saplings?" I shifted the seatbelt and tried my hardest to make sense of it. "Drawn and... halfed?" They couldn't have used tigers or something? Seems kinda ineffective. He looked even more grave. "A little insensitive but I'll disregard that." The grand figure relaxed considerably even though we were nearing the apex. "They rigged it up in such a way that when the head was separated from the corpse, the sinner's last experience was weightless flight. Now permit me to ask: Is this not the most base of things? Or is it the most humane? Possibly both, but is that really morally feasible? If so, then your-our way-entire way of thinking would have to be remedied." My body lurched and began to lift up as the car began to plummet. I was about to tell my friend he was blathering but I noticed his hand resting firmly around his machete, laughing. The machete was Red. The ride only lasted another 40 seconds or so.

I looked at him head askew, "That was both more humane and less base than I had ever hoped. Quite the combination." He handed me a boquet of flowers and frowned.

"There are no roller coasters in Africa."
Nor have there ever been.